Somebody shake me, please

Grades have not come out yet for me, but a few have for some in other sections that I know. I am fully expecting to get average grades, which sounds to those I tell that are not in law school like I am just being down on myself - but I know I am not.

From their perspective, they knew I was in the library constantly, especially at the end their. My roommate knows that I practically lived at the library and my cat probably forgot who I was for awhile there. I know that I read a lot of supplements, and I read every case assigned as well. I know that I outlined my ass off, made flashcards, bought flashcards, and studied with a few others when I felt it was necessary. What I also know is how many others were doing the same things to prepare as I was. And I also know that I left out, in all but one final, a key element or many key elements that were most likely necessary for an above average grade.

What I am not expecting is to receive a below average grade, because of all the preparation I did. However, it is difficult to say who in my section will fall below me on the curve - I might be able to name one name, but I am not even sure about that. At first, me and gossip girl tried to come up with names of people that we knew we would out perform, but when push came to shove and we really began cramming, we realized that was not the right thing to do - after all, any name we came up with, they were right there in the library with us, apparently studying their asses off too. There is no way to predict who will do better than who, the right attitude is to just focus on doing your own best.

In actuality, I think the lower grades are going to come down to those who missed an issue here an there, of course, and also those that didn't finish, those who only answered 2 of 4 questions, those who may have had catastrophic bad luck in computer failures or forgotten outlines on test day. And that, to me, is really sad. It seems to come down to luck over hard work, and if anyone does talk about their grades openly it will likely be annoying because soon everyone will discover that the ones they thought were not a threat, really were the whole time, and those that appeared and sounded ultra prepared in class and out of class, really were lost the whole time. But I don't think that is really the case, I really think what will separate the C-'s from the C's and the C's from the Bs, is luck. The exams is really where being OCD comes in handy, because even if you didn't do your reading as strictly as others for every class - if you have made sure your computer runs properly, and you remembered to bring more than one pencil, and you remember that the professor specifically asked you to organize your answer in a certain way, those things will help you. Those that forget...as smart as they are, aren't smart enough to remember.

I'm not saying it is all about those little things, you need to know your stuff and know it well, but the professor's aren't trying to trick you, at least it appears to me.

And I know I remembered a lot of the small stuff, but I just think it's those that forgot the small stuff, or had bad luck on test day, that will perform below average. I just hope I'm not one of them.

I guess I can predict my grades ... and I'm already at peace with what I think they will be (4 C's and B) so if they are better, fantastic, but if they are worse - oh, shit. I wouldn't advise anyone else to try and predict their grades like I have, but it's hard not to.

Good luck to all that have grades coming out soon. All I keep remembering is that they can't (I don't think) kick me out after only one semester...

How do you end something for good that's been practically ending for over two years, and no one is willing to admit it, or if they are, the other will not let it happen?

Never thought this situation would arise.

This little gem.

Here it is, revisited, a semester under my belt:

Well, I'm done with my finals. Now onto a month full of family fun and trying to find myself again. I definitely feel like I am a different person now, and it sucks, because I was happy with who I was. Hopefully happiness can be had again.

It is terrifying to think that over 40% of my classmates will get Cs or worse.

And it is even more frightening to think that I could be one of them.

Yikes.

PLEASE STOP TELLING ME YOU THOUGHT THAT FINAL WAS EASY.

xoxo,

somebody

So, after college, I used to be very hip to cool music. Stuff that my friends liked, jazz, some classical, and even super hip indie rock.

Well, guess what folks, the most exciting part of my day today was realizing that I pre-ordered Britney Spears new CD and it was coming in via i-Tunes.

Wow.

Law School Side Effects: You may experience frequent headaches, nausea, hang-overs, poor decisions on bed buddies, and you may start to like boy bands such as Backstreet Boys and girl pop like Britney Spears. Please seek therapy if you experience multiple side effects at once, it may be the sign of a greater condition, such as bi-polar disorder.

I think the blank could be filled in for any class...how am I supposed to prepare for the rest of finals with that shitty experience behind me? I feel so defeated.

I feel really shitty after that one. Yuck. I ran out of time, didn't get to spell check, I don't feel like I wrote enough...and it was on something I didn't expect.

I am just hoping that somebody did worse than I did. There are a few over confident people that thought they nailed it, and then mostly people like me feel completely terrible about it.

Yikes. This is awful.

Good news...I'm mending my personal life back together. And that's the best thing ever.

You know those people in undergrad that don't do any work until the night before and still pull of B's or better?

Fuck 'em.

I seriously hate those people. And stop sitting next to me at the library.

It is apparent who is putting in the work and who is not - and just because you are always in the library doesn't mean that you are always working. I smirk at those on perezhilton.com, because I'm so there...

I've been studying my butt off, actually since the middle of October I've made a little home in the library.

What I PLANNED on doing, was reading the E&E's before each concept, clarifying in hornbooks. What I DID was read the cases, and then I did CALI lessons before class. I can honestly say that I often couldn't follow in class. There were days when I could, and days when I couldn't. It was tough. I think for me it was mostly a language problem - I wasn't an english major, or philosophy, or anything impressive.

I will tell you that at each and every review, I was able to follow. I may not be able to recite the particular facts of each case, but I do know the rules, generally, and how they apply or how a case demonstrates the application of a rule. And I think that's good.

I will say that my outlines are not complete yet. And that is scary.

I think elaboration is necessary to my last post and I promise to do that.

I know that people will find themselves in my situation and feel like I feel, and it sucks. But, there is a line I keep reminding myself of in "Law School Confidential" that says "Have you ever willed yourself through something?"

You gotta will yourself through law school. And never forget why you came in the first place, never.

I'll be back. I promise!

Law school really does a number on one's confidence. So, what happens when one has little confidence to begin with? To be blunt, you are fucked.

I've been humiliated in class so many times I've lost count. And, no, contrary to what my classmates believe, it isn't because I'm stupid. Duh. I got in to law school, too. I just keep freezing up when called on.

Furthermore, I've ruined my long term relationship and am consoling myself by sleeping with a member of My Law School Class of 2011. Someone who I wouldn't give the time of day to, had we not both been in law school.

And finally, I'm 75 cents overdrawn in my bank account. This is the...fourth time this semester, and the fourth time in my life, that I've ever been overdrawn.

Frankly, my life is a fucking mess. And I'm about to embark upon finals.

My friends, I will be fine. But please - don't let this happen to you.

Trust no one.

I apologize to the avid fans of my blog that I have been MIA.  Law school is hard.

This week the pressure was on.  I definitely felt it.  Kinda like the first week all over again.  I kept getting asked about outlines, when I'm outlining, how I'm outlining, can I send someone my outline, etc.  I keep telling everyone I'm not starting until October, but in reality I have already started.  The problem is that my outlines are awful.  I'm rehashing my criminal law outline today, but it's hard to even start.  In class all we do is debate the sides - someone argue for prosecution, someone argue for defense - every day.  I don't feel like I'm pulling out elements or anything substantial that I could use on a test.  So, my dilemma is what exactly to put in my outline.  Right now I have mini briefs - issue, rule, application - for each concept.  But reading over it is not very helpful.  I've become accustomed to reading my supplements more and taking notes from them because I can't pull anything out of these case books besides the cases (and there are some helpful notes after cases).  I hesitate to rely on my supplements for my outlines - but I'm almost to that point.  Any advice on this?  

Law school is absolutely wild right now.  Because all of us 1Ls aren't really stressed out yet (I am not sure when the panic begins to consume - October?), we have been spending LOTS of time together, and actually loving it.

1. I have more people I count as friends now.  It's nice!
   
2. Torts is getting boring, and Contracts is getting interesting.
3. I had a non-therapeutic shopping trip with a friend.  It was awesome.
4. My first memo is not very good.
5. I spend less time studying per night - probably about 3 hours instead of 7.  This is very good.  To all you 0Ls, the material does get manageable!  I swear!

1. It seems that there aren't very many single folks at my school.  Lots of married/engaged/engaged to be engaged.  
   
2. Food selection around the campus sucks.
3. There are quite a few obvious leaches that go to any event just for the free lunch.
4. General response when asked by upperclassmen what year I am:  "Awwwwwwww!"  Is my massive backpack what is so cute in comparison to your Kate Spade tote?  Hmm....I disagree.
5. Back to free lunches.  I'm not one of those leaches (yet) but damn, there are a lot of free lunch opportunities.  I'm not sure I can really blame the leaches.
6. I don't have a single professor that I dislike.  
7. Everyone seems to have one, two, or four people they are with allthetime.  Everyone, in turn, when you are away from your posse, says, "Hey where that other person that is with you all the time?" or, "Oh are you looking for that person you are with all the time?"  Hmmmm.  
8. I love noticing the roommate situations that are also in the same section.  One day, you don't see one roomie without the other.  The next, you never find them together and they choose to sit on opposite sides of the room when and where they can.  The next day, reunited!  I sense roommate fallout.
9. The upper-class accent.  There are some, well, really just one I've noticed, that pronounce every syllable perfectly in every word, and always emphasize certain words.  They use words I haven't gotten to, like "estopped" in sentences between friends.  I can't help but think of lolcat speak when I hear words like this.  Estoppeh teh stoopit!
10. I like to yell, "INTENTIONAL TORT OF BATTERY!!" when I am touched in the hallway.  
11. Which brings me to my next point, law students are touchy feely.  Squeezing love handles as a greeting is creepy.  
12. Funny t-shirt guy.  I've never seen him wear a non-funny t-shirt.  They just get funnier.
13. I drink a lot less than I used to so far.  
14. A lot of non-drinkers in my section.
15. A lot of former professional bakers.  Puts me to shame.  I just bake for fun.
16. Study-group tension leads to the study-group musical chairs.  Their loss is my gain!  
17. The smart and pretty girls really bug me.  
18. There are two repeat offenders of surfing the net in class that I have noticed - gossip girl on Perez and then there is creepy facebook boy.
19. Virgins in law school.

What I was like 2 weeks into law school (I wish I would have done this before law school ever started):

I realize that my posts haven't really been too light hearted and happy like posts of my peers, but law school really isn't all fun and games for me.  It's serious work.

Law school is still bad.  But, luckily for me, I like doing the reading.  What is bad is the people.  They are bad.  This is why:

1)  They say, "I studied for NINE hours yesterday!" as if they should be proud of themselves.

2)  They say, "I already did the reading for my classes this week, and it's only Tuesday - can you believe it?" as if I should care that they are ahead of me.

3)  They highlight their books so much they may as well copy the whole thing on yellow paper.

4)  They seem to be able to maintain a social life and study for classes and come to class prepared.  

5)  They ask me, "Why don't you speak up more in class?"

...that won't stop purring.  I'm afraid if I touch him at all in any way it will only prolong the noise, and I really need to sleep.  I don't know what it is, but recently he has been so adamant about showing me he loves me.  He woke me up last night THREE TIMES from his purring and constant need to sleep right next to my face.  Then, of course, he tries to make his "bed" on my face and I wake up from that cute-yet-painful behavior.  But anyways, back to the purring. 

Anyone notice Chapter 7 of the E&E on Contracts - the first line reads, "Consideration can be fun.1"  

So I have come to the conclusion that I have to get used to three things:

This week has been hell, I won't lie.  Obviously my emotions are exploding all over the place, as shown by the two divergent posts I made today.

Now I understand why law school can be so scarring.

I'm freaked out.  Let's just start there.

It's so good to meet them.  I like knowing who I won't get along with asap so I can avoid contact with them.

We were of course assigned orientation homework, as I wrote about anxiously before, and I of course started it right away out of excitement...but soon the excitement wore off and I continued watching a marathon of Jon & Kate Plus 8 on TLC.

It has been a wild week.  I moved in, bought a car, and met a lot of incoming students at my school.

having issues with the blog....thus this new boring look that i hope you like!

that I'm excited to do my homework?  

My schedule was posted this week.  It's good to know my schedule, I've been anticipating receiving it for quite some time.  I don't have class after 2:30 pm which is great, but when I saw other sections get out of class at 10:30 am on certain days, I was pretty jealous.  Whatever, they can start drinking beer earlier than me.  Psshhhh.

That is all.

...because it's a lot easier that way.  At least I imagine it's a lot easier that way, but my lazy ass prefers to do things the hard way.  It's more challenging this way!

I figure I need to practice my drinking before entering the college-like atmosphere again.

I wouldn't want to bore anyone with law school musings all the time....so this is the love post.

I went to a wedding last week and had the pleasure to sit at the same table as Ms. Inappropriate. Ms. Inappropriate happens to be the girlfriend of the girl I love to hate. Girl I love to hate is beautiful, and last night she looked exceptional as she was part of the bridal party. She had her last rendezvous with a boy a couple years ago with my boyfriend. Hence, I was cheated on by my boyfriend* with Girl I love to hate...which would be why I hate her. I love to hate her because she is so fucking beautiful.

Girl I love to hate has never apologized to me (boyfriend has, obviously). But her girlfriend, Ms. Inappropriate, loves to make snide remarks in my presence, and last night was no exception. The highlight of the evening was when she came up and danced with me, pushing my boyfriend away, saying, "Hey, it's only fair, right?"**  

Some people might like a comment like that. I'm really put off by it. Now not only do I have to deal with Girl I love to hate awkwardly greet me with hugs, which never happened before I was cheated on, now the whole ordeal is being commented on by her inappropriate girlfriend. The last thing I want to hear are sarcastic remarks about an event that almost ended my best relationship, and I especially don't want to hear them from the girlfriend of Girl I love to hate. Girl I love to hate hasn't even acknowledged the incident happened to me, so why does Ms. Inappropriate have to?

Needless to say, Ms. Inappropriate managed to reactivate all of those feelings that took me almost a year to sort through and manage. Thanks!
____________________
*Some people don't break up after such an event.
**Ms. Inappropriate was not in the picture when I was cheated on. So, no, I wouldn't say that "it's only fair."

I have spent the last two years of my life either coming up with a strategy to get into a top law school (which didn't work as planned, fyi), studying for the $%(@ing LSAT, writing personal statements, applying, agonizing over responses from schools, researching law school study methods, deciding on which note taking software is best (Circus Ponies), buying study aids off of Amazon, and god knows what else. It's almost over.

This last stretch here is actually a little boring. I only have a week left at my job, and boy are they making me work for my measly paycheck. I am moving to a new city the weekend before Orientation starts. I have no savings because I decided my money was better spent on a couple awesome vacations. It's funny, actually, all of this preparation and what I'm most worried about right now is money. The absence of it is making me feel so unprepared. I've just been telling everyone that I'm "practicing" living like a student.

I'm excited. Ultimately, yeah, excited. But more for meeting new people and moving to a new town (change is good). Is that bad?

Pft. Whatever. I was her "second choice." I bet she told everyone that.

The good news is that I found another place, but the bad news is that I will have to live with a roommate. I really didn't want to have a roommate during law school, but beggars can't be choosers, right? The complex is pet friendly and I'm hoping that doesn't translate into flea-infested.

Now my dilemma is how to afford a new computer and moving expenses. I can already feel the weight of the debt load I'm about to encounter.

So...apparently my income was so ASTOUNDING that I received a call from a potential landlord. I couldn't remember if today was opposite day or not, but apparently having a low income has paid off! My rental application has been noticed! I follow direction and know the difference between a "personal check" (one that will bounce), "cash" (it's illegal to send though the US mail...who knew! Or didn't know...), and a "money order." I stood myself in line with all the other "money order" folks, you know, the ones that can't be trusted? Well, that's my line! I know those people! I can get that at the grocery store! Success.

...not so fast. Future landlord wants to know about my income, if it will decrease since it was apparently quite noticeable that I listed my current job in another city that is quite aways away; and this future landlord must really be Miss Remembers Things You Wish You Never Told Her, because she remembers that I said I would be attending law school next fall, would I be commuting so far for my job?

I had some 'splainin to do.

(but I bake!)

Some people garden for therapy...but I bake.
Check out Bake or Break's recipe for Black & White's. They were pretty easy to make and I've always wanted to try them. The best part about them is the chocolate cake and chocolate chips. I used Scharffen Berger cocoa which made the chocolate part even better. It's recommended to use mini chips but I didn't have those so I opted for regular and it turned out just splendid, although I think next time I will try and find mini chips. I always use milk chocolate chips in place of semi-sweet - for some reason, it just tastes better that way.

These were pretty delicious, but my favorite cupcake is still this one from Bakerella - although I opted for sprinkles instead of candy hearts.

Finding a place to live in my law school city has proved to be...well, fruitless to say the least. Apparently the words "student" and "no income" fail to put you at the top of your prospective landlord's list of possible tenants. Baked goods don't help, either. I have called 5 different apartment complexes to no answer or returned calls. This is not good.

Life seemed good when I responded to an add somebody placed for a roommate from another prospective student at my prospective school. We e-mailed back and forth, traded voicemail messages, and then...she bailed. So I said to myself, "Don't let that one get you down! Let's try another!" So I did. This one had three different names she responded to, but I thought she was just being paranoid (and I could forgive that), or she was schizo (and hey, aren't we all a little schizo?). We exchanged multiple e-mails and even had a long conversation on the phone. I thought for sure this one would work out - she was even already set on a place and confident we could get it! I woke up the next morning to search the classifieds only to find another post from the three-named gal for a roommate...I guess we didn't hit it off? I felt kind of like Carrie Bradshaw when she got dumped via post-it note: he even brought her pink carnations! It seemed like it would work!

So, at this point, I've asked about...3 different people to be my roommate and I am actively searching with all of them as well as for myself. Is this bad? They don't know about each other. I saw a cute yet homely (yes, homely - not homey) place yesterday that I will be applying for, unbeknownst to my potential roomies. Something tells me, however, when this one sees my "Monthly Income" she won't be too pleased with me and I will go to the bottom of her list :( . Plus when I saw her place, I was unaware, but apparently my pink underwear was visible through my cute, white, flowery skirt (I try to dress nice and look what happens! Way to backfire!).

I have...37 days until I need to move in somewhere, or else I will have to spend $200/month on an 1.5 hour commute twice a day and that is not in my budget!

I used April Fools Day to go exploring into my past musical tastes. It was both embarassing (thus torturous) but also left me with a strange feeling of elation. Let me just remind all of you how old(young) I am:

One of my favorite songs in 5th grade - Basketcase by Greenday. Wow. I have an explicit memory of the popular girl in my class singing the lyrics to this song, and wondering what it was called. My shy self quietly said, "Basketcase?" To the popular girls amazement, I was correct, and thus congratulated on my knowledge of music. If I remember correctly, it was also the number one song that year on billboard....so I wasn't the only one that liked it. I have the feeling Greenday wasn't really targeting 5th graders...but now I totally understand the popularity of bands I've never heard of today - "tweens." I was one.

This brings me to my next point - Good Charlotte. I've seen them live. I paid for a ticket. I don't remember liking their music, the only song I can recall is "Motivation Proclamation;" but I had a t-shirt.

And then there is No Doubt. My first CD purchase was their self titled album. I remember every song on that CD up until "Don't Speak." I remember jumping up and down and mouthing the lyrics to "Happy Now" and "Excuse Me Mr." after playing hookie from school. In fact, I remember playing hookie with the intentions of doing such. What a freak I was. Even more freaky, my best friend and I would plan to play hooky just so we could play "school." We would trade off being teachers. I think this was 4-6th grade but I can't be certain. I might have done this yesterday...

Nonetheless, my credit card balance ends in something like ".45" because I purchased so many songs on iTunes tonight.

It's so strange to go through my past like that. I was such an awkward, dorky little thing. I would sit on the bus on the way home, fantasizing about who I'd be when I grew up. I can't help but wonder if that little girl would be happy about who I am now. I'm not so sure...but my life is dedicated to gain her approval.

Not a single person I know in real life will know about this blog.

I certainly do not intend to disparage others or hide behind my anonymity for any reason other than I do not wish to share these thoughts with anyone other than those that I don't know, or those that I don't know I know.

This blog is starting at a period in my life where I'm going through some changes. I'm a mid-twenties girl who is on the brink of a break up from a long term relationship and a move to a new city. I imagine my posts will wander from woe-is-me to what-the-fuck and beyond.

I think I should document this for the world to read. Plus, it gives me something to do rather than cry myself to sleep (see, there I go already with the woe-is-me). Prepare yourselves.

I have my reasons and I'm giving them to you:

1. because I am going to a second-tier law school and hoping for a good job at the end of the journey - some might call this crazy;
2. because I am blogging about law school life just like the million other law students;
   
3. because I often react before I think, which should make for some interesting posts that maybe somebody who thought long and hard wouldn't post;
   
4. because even though I probably won't be number one in my class, I'm still going to try and get a job after law school, and I expect that I will have one;
5. because I am going to be writing openly about my experiences which could potentially out me at some point;
6. because I'm about to buy a car when gas prices are at their highest and my income is at it's lowest (as in zero);
7. because I obsess about nearly everything.

I could probably post more reasons, but then it would just be a long list and perhaps the intent of this would be lost.  It all boils down to the fact that I can be an unreasonable, obsessive-compulsive person who doesn't think things through completely before diving in.