Somebody shake me, please

Well, ladies and gentlemen, looks like people really are reacting to the recession. I don't know if anyone else is an ABA Journal subscriber, you may have seen this today. The short of it is that the number of LSAT takers is up 20% from last year, and maybe, just maybe, not all of these people taking the exam should go to law school (shocker).

I'm glad there is already a shortage of jobs for current law school grads, and still people are turning to law school to fight for positions amongst even more people and stiffer competition. And, of course, the schools will increase admission because they all need the tuition dollars. Le sigh.

School

Right now I'm just focusing on finals...finals this time around are really not as exciting. Last year I totally let myself get consumed in the process, and I studied my ass off - now I'm just sorta half-assing it, "phoning it in," as some say. Working so hard didn't get me anywhere - so let's see what this strategy brings me.

Life

It seems like all of those I've kept in touch with that are not in law school are moving on with their lives and meeting all of those great life goals - marriage, kids, buying houses (this is strange to me that anyone can afford a house in this crappy economy - I know they are cheaper, but the lending problem AND the fact that no one is making much money nowadays), doing shit in general. Sometimes it makes me feel really unaccomplished by comparison, I'm just in law school, and life is almost at a stand still until this process is over and I pass the bar.

I think I've been completely forgotten about by my immediate family. They used to get really upset if I didn't call them to keep in touch - but now I call weekly and leave messages and no one gets back to me. This should make Thanksgiving pretty awkward when I show up and they say, "OH YEAH WE REMEMBER YOU!" I understand though, many more important things are happening in their lives, like marriage/babies/companies failing. Which reminds me...I totally missed my brothers birthday. Crap.

Love

I have two funny situations happening right now. Let's start with douche-of-the-year guy, who I drunkenly made out with at one point, and who goes to my law school. I can't remember if I blogged about this already, but I've definitely thought about it because it's such a fucked up story (in my eyes). I don't know if the gals that read this blog are familiar with what douches do after a drunken make-out session, but in my experience, they end up thinking that the girl is pretty much in love with them, and if they don't feel the same way but realize that they likely made the chick feel like a huge slut, they will offer to take the girl out on a date. This is known as the "guilt date." Douche-of-the-year definitely offered this to me, to which I politely declined. Douche-of-the-year later spoke to me all about how he was so drunk he doesn't remember making out with me at all, but he's sure it happened. Yes, douche, you made out with me. Not only that, you tried to do more, IN FRONT OF AN ENTIRE BAR FULL OF PEOPLE. Your hands went places that I'm embarrassed to talk about, to which I promptly ended things and went home by myself. So, upon the date offer, of course I declined - I am not interested in tools like you. The make out sesh was fun before it got close to date rape (and I repeat, IN FRONT OF AN ENTIRE BAR FULL OF PEOPLE), and I left (because that's what smart girls do). Anyway, Douche, when I see him, is always "happy" to see me and greets me with a really creepy hug (why I oblige I am unsure). So months have passed since the drunk make out sesh and I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck about him (and he's a douche partly because I'm sure he thinks I'm in love with him), and I come to find out he's been telling women that actually ARE in love with him about what happened. I, of course, kept my mouth shut about what happened and hoped for the best that no one saw us that night. So anyway, douche has been going around bragging about this shit making ME look like one of his harem of girls that is in love with him. I'm sorry, Douche - but you are worlds away from what I would ever consider a man worthy of falling for. If I was "in love" with you, I would have accepted your guilt-date offer. But I didn't.

Okay, now onto the guy who sent flowers. I'm a little peeved by this guy. There are reasons I have for not seeing this turn into a solid relationship, mostly pertaining to his complete incapability of showing any human emotion in person - he's a pretty dead-pan kinda guy, I don't think he is even capable of smiling. He's a hot piece of ass though, so I'm gonna keep him around (can you blame me?). Plus, the sex is great (sorry if that was tmi). He's pretty much the perfect example of a joke women have about men - he totally thinks he's in control of this situation him and I have started, and I let him believe that - but he has no fucking idea that I don't take the freak seriously at all. Anyway, I pretty much never answer the phone when he calls, and wait a couple days before I call him back. If he texts, he gets no response cause I hate that shit - don't text me, call me.

What drives me nuts is his holier-than-thou attitude about everything. He is extremely judgmental. When I'm with him, I find myself defending his friends, his family, his housemates, everyone. It used to make me wonder what crappy things he thought about me, but then I realized he probably doesn't even talk about me to anyone because he's so consumed by his awesome perception of himself. This guy tried to hide me once. What the fuck? I've met many people he hangs out with, and he tried to fucking hide me? What is your deal, dude. He's lucky he's a good lay or I'd be outta there already.

Douche-of-the-year and Mr. Self Centered, and all the people in my life getting married/having babies/DOING SHIT, have made me realize that I am so ready to be in a committed relationship with someone - I am just fucking tired of dating. I want someone to share my victories with, and someone to cheer on - I can't do that with Mr. Self Centered, because I'm so much less than him in his eyes, nothing I do could ever measure up.

In Conclusion, I really just have no more to say on these topics, except, Fuck School, Fuck Life, Fuck Men.

Alright enough whinin' and complainin' for now.

I don't have much insight to offer on the topic of jobs (as I do not have one), but since the economy is in the pooper and many people are feeling it for real now, I thought it might be worthy of a post.

First, the outlook is bad at my law school. Many people I know do not have jobs, nor any possibility of a job for the summer. Further, most 3rd years I know have nothing lined up, with the Bar exam looming for them next summer. We had a pretty decent OCI showing at my law school, too - but they only seemed to call back minorities or those with the highest GPA. Of those people, it is looking like the GPA won out over being a minority. I know of a few people who had cushy jobs over the summer, but were threatened with raising-their-grades-or-else ultimatums. I am not sure of what has come of this. I had a nice cushy job last summer in an area of law I do not wish to practice in. While they gave me an offer to stay on during the school year, there was no promise of work for next summer - and frankly, I would kinda like to get away from that field.

Anyhow, people talk about jobs at my law school. I know of a couple people who have offers but are a little shy to talk about them because they don't want to upset anyone or rub it in anyone's face that they actually have an offer when the reality is, the great majority of us do not. Mostly, however, the great majority of us just laugh at ourselves and the shitty situation and push the job-worry to the back of our minds because finding a free lunch on campus is more important, and after that we worry about exams. I have friends at other law schools that have said it's pretty brutal right now - no one talks about jobs at all because the presumption is no one has one.

To deal with the poopy economy, the career office has put together a special little "committee" to try and come up with strategies to help us get jobs. I've never known a committee to ever actually do anything, so it seems to me their purpose is more to give us students the idea that they are doing something. For all we know, they sit in a conference room once a month and play poker. I have no idea what goes on at their meetings. No one does.

There are the usual resume-workshops and "How to find a job" panel discussions every now and then, but all of these strategies don't really seem to be working for anyone. Frankly, I'm scared. I think law school is a horrible investment, and I wouldn't advise a single soul to enter school - be it a top 10 or not - right now. The job market isn't what it used to be, and it's fucking expensive.

My strategy right now is to reach out to the places I worked before law school began - something I never wanted to have to do. But I'm going to do it. It's that bad.

If that doesn't work, I am going to try and get a job at the law firm I worked at over the summer. And if that fails, I will be working for free - if I can nail down one of those jobs, that is.

It's tough out there. I hope it gets better, but I think my class is pretty much fucked.

I have been thinking a lot lately about pain, hurt, tail-between-legs-and-head-hung-low reactions.

I know what pain causes - rifts in friendships, buried ill-will, silent treatments, shit-talking, ball-busting, name-calling. I know from experience on both sides, as I'm sure we all do.

It's always been a challenge for me to move on when I'm hurt by someone. Probably because I can't ever seem to muster up the courage to confront the problem. I know I will come off mad if I try. Instead, I bury, and avoid. And the other person reacts accordingly.

The test of true friendship in my world is when someone confronts me about what's going on, and tries to see my perspective - in spite of the challenge that brings. I've had one person in law school pass that "test." Not that I'm trying to test everyone.

I think part of my problem is that I am older than many of my law school counterparts. I mean, there are people in law school that were born in 1988. That's young. I haven't been forced to deal with silly bullshit like this since high school - which of course everyone says about law school (frankly, I'm tired of that comparison, it has become so cliche). I think it's sad. We all say "Law school is like high school" and move on as if that explains it and solves the problem. Why can't everyone just grow up a little bit, and recognize you are in a professional school, building professional relationships, and cut the crap. Why are we judged for not forging lasting relationships in law school? Surely our experience outside of law school should count for something inside law school.

No surprises here, I hate this place. I don't hate the people, but I hate the way they treat one another. I hate the way they find any excuse to get drunk and call it "socializing." I hate how the Student Bar Association only organizes events centering around alcohol consumption, and how the president is clearly in need of therapy and probably a stint in rehab. I hate how I'm only spoken to by people when they have no one else to speak to. I hate how I am judged by the guy who sits behind me when I check my personal e-mail on my computer, "I sit behind you, I know what you are doing." (Dude, shut the fuck up. I'm on top of my shit, get on top of yours and stop computer stalking me.) I hate how people are used by one another to get ahead - where they tolerate you for your smarts, your outline, your supplements, or your family who is comprised of hiring partners (mine is not).

The worst of it is, I know these aren't bad people. I know they are good, and capable of many awesome accomplishments or already have a few under their belts. But for some reason, when in this experience together, it brings out the worst. Anyway, it isn't one person who is hurting me, it's the combination of everyone, together, going through this grind, that is hurtful. I don't know if anyone else feels like it's one against everyone else, but that's what it feels like to me.

I've never felt this alone before in law school. Incidentally, this explains my blogging return.

*I never claimed to only post about law school, although this one is related as it has to do with the rollercoaster of law school friendships. I am not proud of all of this whining I've been doing, but I think others might be experiencing similar plights, and with that in mind, I write about it.

I've never been one to have a bunch of friends. There were points when I just friggin loved everyone, and was quite happy with my social life.

This is not one of those times.

I am so tired of the same old crap people pull. I'm tired of the dorm roommate syndrome, which makes all of us who see each other a lot get sick of one another and act like pissy little brats. I'm tired of passive aggressive bullshit. Girls, get yourselves together. Realize who has been there for you, and who has not. Cherish the friendships you have, and treat those nearest and dearest with respect, and give your friends the benefit of the doubt. I know to many people, what I'm saying here is obvious. This is what friends do. But girls in law school are a different breed. Or, at least the girls in my law school.

When I sense someone is tired of me, or holding in some anger towards me for whatever reason, I completely back off. Unless you are going to woman up and TALK to me about it, I can't help you.

The good news, I'm looking forward to spending time with old friends. Not that I have a ton, but I've kept a few from before law school (besides family). And the space I have now between me, and the law school b.s. is good - I study, I sleep, I rely on myself, and I'm generally a happy person around the law school halls.

The bad news, I myself hold a grudge against those that passive-agressively hate me. I'm going to need a lot of coercing to be a true friend when they have no one to talk to.

I apologize if that didn't make a whole lotta sense, but good grief women, band together - now is not a time to abandon one another!

In other news - general question for my reader(s): Best Evidence supplement?

I know, I know, I know - I'm dramatic. Just bear with me. This will be quick and painless.

I'm done with my law review assignment. By done, I mean, I put in about 20 percent of the effort that is required, and turned in a few pieces of paper with tidbits of research.

This is after I spent all weekend "working" on it. And by "working," I of course mean watching random You Tube videos, stalking people on Facebook, and running away from my psycho cat who is in the midst of a biting-playfully-yet-painfully phase.

I'm actually pleased with my mood right now. I couldn't give two shits about what I just turned in. It isn't for a grade. I know I could have turned in something better, but my priorities right now are the classes that count. My apologies to the prestigious-and-all-important law review people. I'll give you a bit more attention after finals are over, promise.

Also, in regards to the flower incident, I've been lusting and listening to love songs. It's okay, I vomited too - all over myself and my new iTune's playlist. I'll get over it. Ooh - I am even looking forward to the bitter phase after I realize this is all a ploy to get in my pants! Ahhh, to look forward to things...such a gift.

Oh, and another thing - two posts in two days? Weird.

I've had many (mis?)adventures since the pizza roll and beer diet that was sparked by my last post. And I apologize to my reader, who's been lost without me, I'm sure.

This has been a tough semester. I think Law School Confidential sums up 2L as the "work you to death" year (I don't know if this phrase is as cliche to anyone else, but good grief people get over it...we work hard, let's leave it at that). This is true (although I'm tired of being reminded of this) for me. I'm working harder than last year. I'm more involved and have Law Review and Moot Court to worry about, which are two activities that give automatic As, and yet the work you put in surely should deserve more than that - maybe some candy and flowers?

And then there are the usual classes. I'm taking two bar courses, which really aren't as hard as they are annoying. No, I don't really want to outline every concept after I learn it. Nor do I want the professor to schedule in make-up classes for every class he must miss. It isn't that I fail to appreciate the effort of this professor, but my time is limited and every minute of every day is thoroughly scheduled. I could use a spare hour and thirty minutes for another activity - sleep, maybe. My non-bar courses aren't easy, but I'm treating them as though they are. I'm sure my GPA will kick me for it later. (Sorry; you were never that good to me anyway.) In fact, I've only read for the cases I was already tested on for one class (which won't reappear on the final). That's it. No more. This should be an interesting result. I'll keep you posted.

So, I sit here this Sunday, with cheery/cheesy christmas music playing. It's nice to have it in the background, pumping me through my law review assignment that must-get-done-before-tomorrow. I probably should have started this earlier...but my motivation is low; so low, I felt like blogging. And, apparently, I don't feel like blogging much.

Well...anyway, I sit here this Sunday, after what has been a mother-effin-crazy couple of months. I think I'm four or five emotional melt downs in, I've lost my healthy glow from the cushy summer job (and all the money I earned from said job). OCI's didn't result in anything but rejections for me, which I'm strangely okay with. And I'm feeling pretty low, hopeless, etc.

But, for real...I sit here this Sunday, with enough time to spare to blog. I've been condescended, called names, taken advantage of - in many, oh-so-many, ways, torn down, appreciated, underappreciated, thanked, told "no thanks," been through two mini-apartment disasters, offered unsolicited advice, been the object of rumors and desire of strange men, and ultimately beaten to a pulp by the strange goings on in my life.

But as I sit here today, there are fresh flowers on my kitchen table. And I look at these flowers - the first bouqet I didn't buy for myself since I moved - and I'm in a little bit of awe. It is strange to me. This flower sending concept. I've seen it done on TV, in movies, and for others. I know it is completely normal. But the only flowers I've received before this were to soften my reaction to hard-to-take news. I appreciate the thought behind the sending of these flowers. But it is odd that I am on the receiving end of a "tradition" men hold of sending women flowers, just because. And in conjunction with my totally fucked up Law School "Life," it is almost humorous that the dating aspect of my life is going so well - or so I think, as evidenced by these flowers. I'm not even trying to date successfully. In fact, I've seen the sender of these flowers maybe 5 times in the last 3 months. I almost blogged about the sender the day after I met him. But I didn't have the words...I was infatuated (at the time, now I'm somwhere between like and indifference). Then I got busy. Now I have flowers. Weird.

But you know what...I'm going to categorize this as a dating success. And if I fail at everything else, at least my dating life is going seemingly well.

Anyway. That's enough of that. I'll be back soon with some interesting anecdotes on why Law School Life should never be confused with Real Life. Happy November.