10 June 2009

Work and School and Life

Posted by Shake sense into me

I am not sure about this place. It is awesome and I am very lucky to be working here, but I do not think I am cut out for the type of lawyer they are seeking. I have had three interesting research assignments outside of the usual summarizing they ask me to do, and on two of them I feel as though I have failed miserably. Why am I so incompetent at researching? Thank you, second-rate law school. I now have an equal disdain for both Lexis Nexis and Westlaw. I am also the only clerk that is not from a top 10 law school. And my law school is much further down in the ranks, and every time I tell everyone where I go, I get half-confused, half offended looks: "Oh, I think I've heard of that law school. Interesting. Hmm." Subsequently, I walk away in shame.

I have not reached a single goal of mine that I set before I came to law school. First, my GPA is in the pooper. Second, I didn't even try for Law Review or a journal. Worse than not trying is that I did try and then I proceeded to miss the deadlines for turning in my work. Why is a deadline so hard for me to meet? I have always been one to be on top of that type of thing, and for some reason it is all falling apart in front of me. And third, my grades are already worse than I expected with only two reported. Good news is, I did not fail that class. I came very close, but I did not fail. For the first time in a loooong time, I am considering dropping out of law school, thanks to my crappy results and crappy job performance.

This summer so far is kicking my ass. My family is upset because they thought I might be more available in the summer, but it turns out work is taking up much more time than I anticipated. Furthermore, a good law school friend of mine went off the deep end and is proceeding to shart all over me and my former law school social life. And the little punk is still on top of classes. I do not get it. In the mean time, I am looking for another place to live that is reasonably priced.

Bottom line: Why is everything so difficult for me? Why do I try so hard and have nothing to show for it? No one cares about effort. So frusterated.