10 June 2009

Work and School and Life

Posted by Shake sense into me

I am not sure about this place. It is awesome and I am very lucky to be working here, but I do not think I am cut out for the type of lawyer they are seeking. I have had three interesting research assignments outside of the usual summarizing they ask me to do, and on two of them I feel as though I have failed miserably. Why am I so incompetent at researching? Thank you, second-rate law school. I now have an equal disdain for both Lexis Nexis and Westlaw. I am also the only clerk that is not from a top 10 law school. And my law school is much further down in the ranks, and every time I tell everyone where I go, I get half-confused, half offended looks: "Oh, I think I've heard of that law school. Interesting. Hmm." Subsequently, I walk away in shame.

I have not reached a single goal of mine that I set before I came to law school. First, my GPA is in the pooper. Second, I didn't even try for Law Review or a journal. Worse than not trying is that I did try and then I proceeded to miss the deadlines for turning in my work. Why is a deadline so hard for me to meet? I have always been one to be on top of that type of thing, and for some reason it is all falling apart in front of me. And third, my grades are already worse than I expected with only two reported. Good news is, I did not fail that class. I came very close, but I did not fail. For the first time in a loooong time, I am considering dropping out of law school, thanks to my crappy results and crappy job performance.

This summer so far is kicking my ass. My family is upset because they thought I might be more available in the summer, but it turns out work is taking up much more time than I anticipated. Furthermore, a good law school friend of mine went off the deep end and is proceeding to shart all over me and my former law school social life. And the little punk is still on top of classes. I do not get it. In the mean time, I am looking for another place to live that is reasonably priced.

Bottom line: Why is everything so difficult for me? Why do I try so hard and have nothing to show for it? No one cares about effort. So frusterated.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like a rough time, but I understand. From the finals to the school ranking to the bottom line. I hope things look up.

Daisy Duke said...

Welcome to law school! You get it! Welcome to how 95% of your classmates feel! (No. Seriously. Only 5% of them can be in the top 5% and the rest of us are left to float with the common folks.)

If you hate law school and can't picture yourself being a lawyer or USING your law degree in some way, then yeah maybe pulling the plug is the way to go. That said if you hate law school because it is one of the worst means to an end you've ever dealt with, then keep slogging through. Whether your classmates admit it or not- they all feel the same way. You are not supposed to like law school and the people who pretend to are found days before the bar exam, nervous wrecks unable to spell their own name.

True story.

Lawful Lady said...

Hang in there! Grades are obviously not everything as your job apparently speaks for itself (only one not at a top 10, you must have had SOME redeeming qualities). Also, I like to remember this: What do you call the person who graduates at the bottom of the class? A LAWYER. And, everyone feels incompetent at a new job, especially in a new field. By everyone, I mean me. ;) You don't know how you did until you get feedback. Chances are, your work is fine. Finally, the worst is over! OK, I'm sure it's not, I'm really just hoping it is for my sake too. But, at least you have a clue about what's going on, you've made some friends, you know the school and the profs, and you can pick classes you want to take. HANG IN THERE! I'm sure you were just venting, but we all feel this way sometimes and don't beat yourself up! I know you say it sucks that you try and it's hard, but at least you care enough to still try, and that's def worth something. Good luck!

NenNen said...

I feel bad about what you're experiencing as of the moment. But I hope you'll get used to it and finnaly get through it sooner. Maybe you need some miracle walk. Nice blog you have. Thanks for sharing. I can relate.

Anonymous said...

dude. I feel ya.

I moved the blog and can be found at http://awomaninlaw.wordpress.com

Would you do me a favor and update your link?

Keep blogging! You're not alone!

-A Woman in Law School