Somebody shake me, please

I have some riveting tales of my adventures in I-want-love town. Too bad for me, one of the requirements for citizenship in said town is that you must actually want love. If you try and date a member of I-want-love town, without actually wanting love yourself, you get into some trouble. You see, all members of I-want-love town assume that you want love just as they do, however they do not tell you to stay away if you do not meet this requirement. Instead, they lie to you and tell you they do not want love either. What they want, however, is to go on dates with you, have sex with you, hold your hand, spend multiple nights a week with you, and also - they would like for you to please not see any other people. Is that not a relationship?

All goes well until one day, somebody is hurt by a seemingly little detail, such as - you did not sit next to them when they wanted you to (without telling you this was their desire) and after this incident, they overreact. Then, they blame you - you should have known. You are cruel. You are playing games with their heart.

That is when you realize you must run, run, run, as fast as you can away from them. I wish so badly to tell you my stories regarding this town, because they are good. Some of the characters I have met include: Mr. Manboobs, Mr. Lets ask all the girls I know on a date until I find one that sticks, Mr. I only have serious relationships, Mr. I spit when I talk and that means I own you, Mr. I'm hot as hell and will flirt with you but you should know that I'm engaged, and let us not forget Mr. Two dates equals a relationship.

I am a former citizen of Long-term Relationship town, and that town, while it looks more appealing with every passing day, unfortunately, I destroyed my membership card and thus cannot go back. Also, this is supposed to be for the best, right?

I respectfully retract my application (that I was unaware I submitted) to be a citizen of I-want-love town. Unfortunately, I do not want love. Sorry!

Please point me in the direction of I'm-afraid-of-commitment town, or maybe I-want-a-fuck-buddy town? If you are not sure where that is, could you possibly let me know where Crazy-Cat-Lady town is? Thanks!