Right now I'm just focusing on finals...finals this time around are really not as exciting. Last year I totally let myself get consumed in the process, and I studied my ass off - now I'm just sorta half-assing it, "phoning it in," as some say. Working so hard didn't get me anywhere - so let's see what this strategy brings me.
It seems like all of those I've kept in touch with that are not in law school are moving on with their lives and meeting all of those great life goals - marriage, kids, buying houses (this is strange to me that anyone can afford a house in this crappy economy - I know they are cheaper, but the lending problem AND the fact that no one is making much money nowadays), doing shit in general. Sometimes it makes me feel really unaccomplished by comparison, I'm just in law school, and life is almost at a stand still until this process is over and I pass the bar.
I think I've been completely forgotten about by my immediate family. They used to get really upset if I didn't call them to keep in touch - but now I call weekly and leave messages and no one gets back to me. This should make Thanksgiving pretty awkward when I show up and they say, "OH YEAH WE REMEMBER YOU!" I understand though, many more important things are happening in their lives, like marriage/babies/companies failing. Which reminds me...I totally missed my brothers birthday. Crap.
I have two funny situations happening right now. Let's start with douche-of-the-year guy, who I drunkenly made out with at one point, and who goes to my law school. I can't remember if I blogged about this already, but I've definitely thought about it because it's such a fucked up story (in my eyes). I don't know if the gals that read this blog are familiar with what douches do after a drunken make-out session, but in my experience, they end up thinking that the girl is pretty much in love with them, and if they don't feel the same way but realize that they likely made the chick feel like a huge slut, they will offer to take the girl out on a date. This is known as the "guilt date." Douche-of-the-year definitely offered this to me, to which I politely declined. Douche-of-the-year later spoke to me all about how he was so drunk he doesn't remember making out with me at all, but he's sure it happened. Yes, douche, you made out with me. Not only that, you tried to do more, IN FRONT OF AN ENTIRE BAR FULL OF PEOPLE. Your hands went places that I'm embarrassed to talk about, to which I promptly ended things and went home by myself. So, upon the date offer, of course I declined - I am not interested in tools like you. The make out sesh was fun before it got close to date rape (and I repeat, IN FRONT OF AN ENTIRE BAR FULL OF PEOPLE), and I left (because that's what smart girls do). Anyway, Douche, when I see him, is always "happy" to see me and greets me with a really creepy hug (why I oblige I am unsure). So months have passed since the drunk make out sesh and I honestly couldn't give a flying fuck about him (and he's a douche partly because I'm sure he thinks I'm in love with him), and I come to find out he's been telling women that actually ARE in love with him about what happened. I, of course, kept my mouth shut about what happened and hoped for the best that no one saw us that night. So anyway, douche has been going around bragging about this shit making ME look like one of his harem of girls that is in love with him. I'm sorry, Douche - but you are worlds away from what I would ever consider a man worthy of falling for. If I was "in love" with you, I would have accepted your guilt-date offer. But I didn't.
Okay, now onto the guy who sent flowers. I'm a little peeved by this guy. There are reasons I have for not seeing this turn into a solid relationship, mostly pertaining to his complete incapability of showing any human emotion in person - he's a pretty dead-pan kinda guy, I don't think he is even capable of smiling. He's a hot piece of ass though, so I'm gonna keep him around (can you blame me?). Plus, the sex is great (sorry if that was tmi). He's pretty much the perfect example of a joke women have about men - he totally thinks he's in control of this situation him and I have started, and I let him believe that - but he has no fucking idea that I don't take the freak seriously at all. Anyway, I pretty much never answer the phone when he calls, and wait a couple days before I call him back. If he texts, he gets no response cause I hate that shit - don't text me, call me.
What drives me nuts is his holier-than-thou attitude about everything. He is extremely judgmental. When I'm with him, I find myself defending his friends, his family, his housemates, everyone. It used to make me wonder what crappy things he thought about me, but then I realized he probably doesn't even talk about me to anyone because he's so consumed by his awesome perception of himself. This guy tried to hide me once. What the fuck? I've met many people he hangs out with, and he tried to fucking hide me? What is your deal, dude. He's lucky he's a good lay or I'd be outta there already.
Douche-of-the-year and Mr. Self Centered, and all the people in my life getting married/having babies/DOING SHIT, have made me realize that I am so ready to be in a committed relationship with someone - I am just fucking tired of dating. I want someone to share my victories with, and someone to cheer on - I can't do that with Mr. Self Centered, because I'm so much less than him in his eyes, nothing I do could ever measure up.
In Conclusion, I really just have no more to say on these topics, except, Fuck School, Fuck Life, Fuck Men.