I realize that my posts haven't really been too light hearted and happy like posts of my peers, but law school really isn't all fun and games for me. It's serious work.
I'm in law school to learn, and I am. The people aren't my favorite, but I guess they aren't that bad. It's not as if there are people actually razoring out pages in books, or anything. They are just outwardly competitive on every level right now, probably because they are scared shitless of what their grades are going to end up like - just like me. I choose to keep my study hours to myself, but some people feel better when they let everyone know how sad their life is by the number of hours they study.
I think a lot of my problem with 1Ls comes down to how I am processing everything. Everyone is looking for some type of competitive advantage - hornbooks, E&Es, CALI lessons, study groups, study hours, lack of social life. Mine is really a combination of all of those, but I wouldn't really call it a competitive advantage because I am doing all of those things so that I understand what the heck is happening, not because I want to know more than somebody else. I have this fear that I'm going to get my exam and not know what is happening. I also fear being at the bottom of my class. And I have talked to some other students about this and I have gotten some support, which is nice. But I've also been condescended to no end by people who I thought were a little more friendly.
What I need to do is keep my chin up and just press on as though none of that is getting to me. I think remaining human, and even wearing my heart on my sleeve, is my true competitive advantage because no one is going to hire an awkward law nerd who can't communicate with other humans.