I'm freaked out. Let's just start there.
I feel as though I am the only one in my classes who doesn't get it. Everyone else seems to be able to come up with an answer when called on, but I can't. Sometimes, the answer is right in front of me.
It reminds me of elementary school, when my 6th grade teacher asked a simple question but I was distracted and missed it. He called on me to answer a question, and gave me two possible answers to choose from: higher or lower. I chose lower. The question was what size number does multiplying numbers together give you. I was wrong, and he shouted it out in class, just like this, "WRONG!"
In that situation, I was honestly not paying attention.
In law school, I am paying attention. I am paying extremely diligent attention. I am taking notes on everything. But when it comes time for me to answer a question - whether I am called on randomly or not - I can't come up with an answer. I've thought about this a lot in my current state of despair - which is a terrible state to be in when analyzing something - but I think my problem is that I'm not understanding the wording of the questions, and I'm missing important links in rules from cases I'm assigned.
I knew law school would be hard. I bought E&E's to help me through, and I'm reading those before I read the casebook so I can understand better when I do the assigned reading. But this doesn't seem to help me when it comes time to apply what I'm learning. Ugh. I am not sure what to do - whether it's too early for me to really even try pushing through the material because it's going to be beat into me by my professors anyways, or whether I really need to buckle down and do twice, three, four, or five times as much work to get the answers.
And now, remember when I was all upset about my colleagues pestering me about issues? Well now I know why they were so worried. And now I feel like a dimwit for not knowing what it was; like I should have been on it from day 0.
Sometimes, when I'm faced with trying to answer a question, someone sitting next to me whispers the answer to me. But in the face of fear and embarrassment it doesn't help, it only makes it worse.
Right now I think I might be that person that drops out of law school because my grades aren't good enough.
Looks like that good ol' slacker label might stick to me. Or maybe it will be modified to "stupid." No one has asked me to join any study groups as of yet, and I've received a few "No thanks" when I've inquired. This sucks.
Today was only the second day.
I actually thought about going to the school counselor about all of this, because I'm feeling a mixture of distress from my lack of understanding in class, combined with being overwhelmed with the amount of work, add to that fear of rejection by my peers, and multiply it by my lack of self esteem. The result is negative.